Shop 'Til You Drop
by Shadow'sIllusionist
Summary: What happens when Dante is pulled into clothe shopping with Lady and Trish? ONE-SHOT


A/N: Read and Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I do not own Devil May Cry

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"Remind me again. Why is it I have to come shopping with the two of you?"

Trish and Lady turned around from a clothing rack and shot a bored Dante a look of exasperation.

"Not again, Dante," said Lady, rolling her eyes.

"Well, let's see," said Trish. "First off, you lost that poker bet last week and as promised, you have to pay for whatever clothes we get. Second, your fashion sense is appalling. That's something else we'll have to fix today. We're getting you some better clothes."

"Trish, I have plenty of clothes."

"All you have is that jacket you wear every day, a couple shirts and maybe three pairs of pants, tops. Honestly, Dante, is red the only colour you wear?" Trish finished scolding the platinum haired man.

Dante sighed. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot a little impatiently. "Look, Babe, you're not my mom."

Before Trish could reply with a suitable comeback, Lady decided to cut in, just in case this escalated into another heated argument. "Lighten up Dante. Besides, it's not like you have any jobs to do at the moment. All you've been doing is moping around the office all day eating pizza and drinking beer."

"Moping? I've been _moping_?"

Lady shrugged. "I dunno what else to call it. Anyways, just chill for a bit."

"Whatever."

Both women turned back to the clothing rack. Browsing around, Lady spotted a white tank top trimmed with lace and done up like a corset down the middle. Immediately, she knew she had to have it. Lady reached for it, only to find that another hand was quicker than hers. She looked up to see Trish smiling smugly.

"Sorry hun, gotta be quicker next time," declared Trish proudly in a slightly condescending tone. Still grinning, she picked up her pile of clothes and sashayed towards the change rooms.

Lady had to fight the urge to bring out her trusty handgun and blow a hole in the back of the blonde's head. She sometimes wondered if Trish had a superiority complex. That self-satisfied look she often wore irritated Lady to no end. Keeping her anger in check, she grabbed up her pile of clothing and followed Trish to the change rooms.

A few minutes later, both women were out in front of the dressing room mirrors admiring their new outfits. Lady wore a navy blue turtleneck sweater coupled with a pair of tight fitting jeans that showed off her curves. Trish, on the other hand, decided to go for the sexy look. Sporting a low-cut spaghetti strap tank and black miniskirt, the blonde admired herself in different poses in front of the mirror. Lady snorted. The colour of the tank top was a light brown and clashed with Trish's hair. The miniskirt didn't really suit her either and only served to make her butt appear bigger; at least, that's what Lady thought.

Trish turned towards her and smiled. "So what do you think?"

"It looks great on you," lied Lady.

Trish's smiled widened. "Thanks." The blonde took a couple seconds to look over the raven-haired huntress from top to bottom. "Hmm…let's see…" muttered Trish as she delicately placed a finger on her chin as if deep in thought. "That sweater definitely suits you and I think the jeans show off your legs nicely." Lady was genuinely flattered.

At that moment, a certain half-demon in red leather strolled over and also took a moment to examine her. "Looks good on you, Babe."

Lady felt her face grow hot and quickly turned to hide her rising blush, muttering a quick "thanks".

Trish must've been feeling a little jealous because she crossed her arms and cleared her throat.

"What?" asked Dante as he turned to face her.

"Well? How do you think _I_ look?"

The platinum haired devil eyed her up and down. "Since when did you care what I think?" questioned Dante.

"C'mon Dante, just tell me. Does this skirt make my butt look big?" pestered Trish as she gestured towards her rear end.

Dante raised an eyebrow. "You really want my opinion?"

"Of course."

"Well, that top is ugly and really doesn't suit your hair colour. I think you're dressed like a hooker but that could just be me. Oh, and that's the most hideous miniskirt I've ever seen and to answer your question, yes, I think it makes your butt look big."

Trish stared at Dante expressionlessly. Lady, meanwhile, had turned around and was gaping at him open-mouthed. Had he really ventured so far as to say that to the blonde's face? Dante himself should know first-hand the extent of Trish's temper…

"Dante…" hissed the blonde in a low voice. Lady could practically feel the anger radiating off of her.

Dante began to back away slowly as he realized he'd just signed his own death warrant. His face had 'oh shit' written all over it.

"Tr-trish, wait…I—"

The blonde's eyes flashed with rage and Dante took this as the signal to run. Spinning around, he dashed straight for the exit. Trish wasn't far behind him. She'd pulled out twin handguns Luce & Ombra and gave chase, yelling a string of insults along the way.

"DANTE!!! GET BACK HERE YOU PIECE OF SCUM! JUST WAIT 'TIL I CATCH YOU I'M GOING TO RIDDLE YOU WITH HOLES YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE!! AAAAARRRGGHHH! YOU ARE SOOOOOO DEAD!!! I'M GONNA MAKE SURE YOU COME BACK TONIGHT IN A BODY BAG!!" shrieked the blonde.

Dante, deciding to play smartass, hollered back that he was only 'stating his opinion' like she'd asked. Trish replied with another slew of profanities coupled with some hot lead courtesy of her twin handguns.

It was surprising just how much you could offend a woman by telling her what you thought of her outfit.

Fellow customers looking upon the spectacle were all crowded at the back of the store now. All of them were afraid to get caught between the gun-totting blonde and her target. Several had cell phones out, probably dialling 9-1-1. Mothers had their arms wrapped around their children. All of them seemed frozen with fear. Lady felt especially sorry for the distraught store clerk who wasn't sure what to do.

Pausing to watch Dante duck through the mall crowd one last time, Lady shrugged and went back to her business. Let them sort it out themselves. Trish will feel better after emptying a few dozen clips of ammunition into Dante's skull. It wasn't like this sort of thing hadn't happened before. Dante needs to learn to keep his mouth shut sometimes.

As Lady was about to go back into her stall and change, her eyes settled on Trish's pile of clothes in the adjacent change room. Checking to make sure the blonde was still chasing after the platinum haired idiot, Lady sauntered over and sifted through the articles of clothing. Her hands settled upon the white tank top trimmed with lace that rightfully belonged to her (before Trish had snatched it away).

Holding it up to examine it once more, Lady mused a little. "Sorry Trish. White isn't your colour."

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**Note:** Thanks to reviewers, I realized that the reactions of the bystanders to Trish pulling out handguns were a little off. Usually people would freak out much more. As a result, I went back and made changes to make it slightly more believable. Feel free to point out any more errors.

A/N: I swear I'm not a comedy writer but I just had to write this. My thought pattern is quite random and I'm still not sure how I came up with the idea. Maybe I got it from episode 4 of the Devil May Cry anime. The one where Lady and Trish first meet and they end up going to the same boutique. Everything about that episode just screamed 'cat fight' so I decided to incorporate a bit of hostility between the two. Anyways, just a fun little one-shot.

On another note, it seems I always end up bashing Dante despite the fact he's my favourite character...I hope nobody took offence to the bit of Trish bashing though. To tell the truth, I don't really like her much. I was always more of a Dante x Lady fan.

Remember to review! It makes me happy :)


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